My brother Mike is Bald.

The fact that he is bald has absolutely nothing to do with this post. It is just punishment for teasing me unmercifully when I was a child.

For instance, his rat-tail comb was sharpened to a pointy end, which he used to poke me in the butt.

A favorite taunt of his was placing a finger as close as possible to my face without touching it and then chanting, "Point your finger at her nose!"

"T-Bangs" was the name he tagged me with that was inspired by the haircuts that mom gave everyone when she pulled out her shears. It never occurred to me to return the insult. After all, she gave him the very same cut.

Those antics are decades old, yet we still laugh at them and he remains a committed teaser and joker.

Over the years, he has gained a reputation for having the funniest and most embarrassing things happen to him on a regular basis. When we have an opportunity to go to the Seattle area for a visit there is always laughter until our stomachs ache.

A few years ago, he and his wife (and her brother) embarked upon a motor home trip across the western states to see the sights. They visited places like
Mt. Rushmore and the Devils Tower. Those of you who've been there know that there are many lonely miles when you trek across Idaho, Montana, the Dakota's, and Wyoming.

One morning, Mike decided to spare his travel mates another "aerosol moment." He saved his daily duty for a stop at a 'mom and pop' service and convenient store in a small town in Wyoming. While the motor home was having its tank filled, he dashed into the small mercantile to empty his. It was a one-bathroom affair.

Luckily for him it was unoccupied because any delay would have been painful. He hurried in, locked the door, and proceeded to the throne. Once he had completed his task he realized there was no toilet paper. A panicked survey of the room found there was a small supply of rough brown paper towels in a rack. That would have to do.

He stood up; jeans squashed halfway between his knees and ankles, and began shuffling towards his paper goal.

That’s when the door opened and a woman marched in. She immediately stopped in her tracks - her jaw dropping almost as low as Mike's jeans. In horror, the woman turned and fled the scene so fast she created a vacuum that nearly sucked him off his feet.

In a state of shock, he hobbled as fast as he could to lock the door. He even had to lean against it until he could catch his breath.

So.....he dawdled. He washed his hands three times, ran his fingers through his hair (well, his fringes, heh heh), tied his shoes, and did a few jumping jacks and stretches.

His wife and brother in law were by now waiting not so patiently in the motor home, wondering how long it took a man to number two. He figured he could face whatever frustrations they might lay on him for delaying their departure.

What he could not face, was the woman wanting to use the bathroom who had just seen him front and center.

He couldn't put it off any longer. Very slowly he turned the handle and cracked the door just wide enough to see if she was gone. No one in sight.

He slipped out on his tiptoes and looked above the display racks towards the front door. He could see the checkout counter was clear and there was no one in the doorway. He needed to check the aisle that led towards his escape.

Anyone watching would have seen Mike, his back and arms flattened against the trail mix, inching sideways to peak his head around the corner.

They would have also seen on the other side, a young woman trying to conceal herself in the crackers and chips as she inclined her head to peer around from the opposite side.

His face edged past the cookie case.......and...........their eyes met, nose to nose.

T.H.E.Y. S.C.R.E.A.M.E.D.

Mike is uncertain of how she cleared the way, but he knows he raced down the aisle and out the door. He jumped into the drivers seat and 'pealed out' in the motor home.

He didn't tell his fellow travelers what happened until they were well into Idaho.


kailani said…
How funny! I can totally relate since I'm always walking in on people who forget to lock the lavatory door on the airplane!
Anonymous said…
Hahaha! Pamela 1, Mike 0.

Keep 'em coming!!!
C said…
Ooops - I am sure she ran out as quickly not only from the sight and but from the smell as well!
Pass the Torch said…
hehehe. Sounds like those years of terrorizing you earned him that story;)

Great way to start my morning!!
Anonymous said…
I loved that story. Keep em comin sista!
Karmyn R said…
Great post, mom - you telling it is almost as funny as hearing it from the source!!!
C said…
oh, how embarassing!!
Jenn said…
oh, my heck I was laughing so hard, your described it so well I could just see him creeping along the snack aisle. Poor lady!

Yes Idaho, wyoming and the dakotas are boring, but at least Idaho is beautifully boring. I'm might be biased though.

I'm sure he appreciated him sharing this with the whole wide internet.
Anonymous said…
Bwahaha! I have loony brothers, too. They drive me crazy sometimes but I love them just the same. c",)
Silly Hily said…
That has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. bwaaa-haaa-haaaaa.
Amanda said…
When Uncle Mike tells it, his face still turns bright red!! One of my favorite stories of his. That one and the dead guy wearing his glasses. :)
Anonymous said…
OMG! That is so funny! ! ! How embarrassing. . .
Laura said…
Oh, god. Great one. I hope he reads your blog. Does he have a blog? Can he reciprocate?
mike said…
Yes I read the blog!!!! I am going to talk to my wife about taking the birthday gift back that she has picked out for Pamela's upcoming 56th--Ha Ha!! However she did leave out a few names I called her and forgot to mention that I have done better as a grandpa. Just tease a little now. and i have cheked out all of your blogs---Blog hens isn't it??
Pamela said…
awww....Mike emerges.
But he's forgotten my birth year.. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

or is that cluck cluck cluck cluck.....
Mikey said…
or did i just do it on purpose???
Julie said…
Talk about laughing out loud! Sorry Mike, that was just too funny. Glad I am the only one home, someone might think I had lost my mind sitting here cackling at the computer! Or is it clucking?
Robin said…
I can't wait to hear the one about the dead guy and the glasses. GREAT GREAT TALE, I could see it unfolding (you, dear Pamela, are a GIFTED you do it this well in real life???). I think you must, Karmyn and Amanda picked up "the gift", too.

Paybacks aren't always hell (or are they, Mike?).
Bonnie B said…
Blog hens? I'm a blog hen. Errrrgh.
Good for you Pamela-- that was a great story. i couldn't keep from clucking.
Anonymous said…
Has been alot of laughs from that story. But just like we learned from the Titanic that we should always carry a whistle, you can learn from this incident to always carry TP in your car.
sister dodo said…
Pam and Mike are both funnier in person than on the blog. reading and writing is enjoyed by all the family, we went to school, too. have enjoyed the blogs and the comments. older sister of Pam and MIke

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