The "Bite Me" that Backfired.

Some of you know that I had a cracked tooth extracted and I am on track for an implant.

After wasting over a year dealing with the inept medical office of an oral surgeon, I asked my general dentist to send me elsewhere.

The referred specialist is a much better fit for me. His office functions like a synchronized swim team. He is confident and efficient.

The only thing that bothered me is his weird sense of humor. Every time my mouth was occupied with fingers and stainless steel instruments he would joke without mercy.

Just two weeks ago I was stretching my jaw as far as it would extend, when he started.

“Oh NO!” He gasped. “It’s not there! You've sucked it into your head!”

I rolled my eyes – which was a much more relaxed response then my first wide-eyed terror to one of his remarks.

My guess is that he is just a serial tease, so I always watched to see how the hygienist responded and then ignored him.

But I don’t forget. That’s why I decided to get him good at my last appointment.

I searched for and found my trusty old remote fart machine; a very entertaining and reliable practical joker.

I was well prepared when I arrived at the clinic last Wednesday - the final exam that would pronounce me ready for my dentist and the new tooth.

My plan was to place the speaker in the outside pocket of my purse and set it close to his stool. Then, when he bent over, I would press the control button. I even had a comment ready for the precise moment.

I checked in with the reception desk and waited patiently for the kill. My purse was loaded. The smile on my face was sly.

A woman and her daughter entered the building and immediately the Doctor met them and greeted them warmly at the hallway door. It was his family.

There was some kind of happy discussion ensuing when the best laid plans of mice and men went haywire. Something nearby must have matched my remote frequency.

“Phooooooooooot, baroooom, poot poot poot.”

The little electronic farter started rolling them out as fast as it could go and would not stop.

I thought I’d never get into my purse and find the off switch.

Picture me pulling my shoulders up sheepishly; accompanied by a half smile, half grimace.

“Uh… excuse me?”

Later, when I met him in the examining room he assured me that my implant looked great.

“Why don’t you come back once the tooth is in place so I can observe how the healed tissue reacts to the foreign material,” he said. “And, to see if you can get your little gadget working correctly.”

His grin widened, his eyes twinkled before he added, “Then I will bend over and say ‘This may cause some discomfort. Would you like a little gaaaaasssss?'

Oh Yes. He got the last laugh.

(He’s lucky his fingers weren’t in my mouth. I would have bitten him.)

Comments

kitten said…
LOL! Our Regular Dr is a lot of fun! I panic over dentist. Maybe I need one like that, but then again maybe not!
LOL!
WT said…
Ha ha ha! Classic stuff!
ChrisB said…
What a hoot. Your dentist sounds great fun. Mine has a tendency to wait until he has his fingers in my mouth and then he starts asking questions which of course I can't answer.
He sounds like my kind of Dentist! What a fun story! :)
Peter said…
The best laid plans of mice and men.... or in this case, of practical jokers, can certainly go astray.
Jenni said…
That's hilarious! I would love to have a dentist like that.
Monica Hamburg said…
Very funny! I love your evil plan (even if it didn't go off exactly as planned!)
Debs said…
OH pooh. :P Sorry your little joke did not go as planned. My dad has one of those fart machines. He loves it. *LOL* What is sad, is my brother and sister can make those noises for real and that is not a pretty smell. :S
Amanda said…
Better than a fuddy duddy dentist, that's for sure.

What would be MORE funny is if you ate a bunch of eggs and beans before your next appointment and show him how your "gadget" really works.
robinellablog said…
Such a great story.

Too bad Joy from Spot of Tea couldn't go to your dentist. She needs a laugh right now.
lisaschaos said…
He sounds hilarious! But you! You carried that thing in there? Funy!
Pamela said…
Hahahahaha! You made my evening, so funny :)

I was surfing blogs and one of your comments caught my eye - I'm a Pamela too!
dawn said…
That is so funny and reminds me of the story you told not so long ago about the real passing of gas. Seems you are getting in touch with you inner boy;-). Pamela above visited me today;-).
Gattina said…
Very good thought of revenge ! But never trust electronics hahaha !
A Spot of T said…
Ohhhh that would have been good...if it would have worked. But this is even better. He sounds like a super dentist. I am freaking right out over an appointment I have to go to on monday but I just know I'm going to be thinking of this story the minute I walk in the door to the dentists.
Moi said…
LMAO!!! oh, that's good. the two of you could make a comedy team!
DesLily said…
I was forever trying to make others laugh, at my own expense of being the one laughed at.. I worked at it!.. to you it seems to come natural! (*giggle*)
My little computer corner in the basement is right under the master bedroom. It's about 6:30 AM...I laughed so loud, I woke up J, who was still sleeping upstairs!

Great story, Pam!
Desert Songbird said…
I was just telling my husband last night what a wicked sense of humor you have. Of course, now this...
Sandy said…
I love the fact that you already owned a fart machine! I knew I liked you.
Terra said…
http://www.terrasears.com/?p=558

You are nominated for a butterfly award...
you totally need another shot at getting him back.

and... you have a fart machine?? bwahahahahaha!!!!
MarmiteToasty said…
Everyone should own a fart machine LOL

great story...

x
Beckie said…
I can't believe you were going to try that AND I can't believe that he actually figured it out!
Faye said…
Well you got me Pamela! I was going to wax poetic about how much I love my implants, including a perfectly placed front tooth and then you bring out the miscued fart-o-meter! My dentist would appreciate this prank as well. Recently he made the mistake of telling me about an "enlargement" he planned to get. I innocently asked "Where?"
Kaycie said…
So funny. You've gotta get him next time!
grace said…
that is absolutely funny
jettied said…
Omg!! I would of been rolling on the floor!!!! That is too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
foam said…
that is too funny ..!!
Oh my gosh, I read your post at work today (shame on me) and I started laughing out loud at my desk - I could hardly control myself!
notmuchofacook said…
OMG, I really did laugh at loud at the computer. What a great story. I came over here through Far Side of Fifty. I am going to bookmark your blog, too.

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