WOLFDEN BAR & GRILL, part 8

Wolfden Bar & Grill is a Soap Opera with each episode being written weekly by a different blogger. The story line has been all over the map, both in plot and place. The first seven episodes can be read at the following links.

Part one by wolfbaby
Part two by cathy
Part three by SmallTown RN
Part four by Willow Tree
Part five by DR. Rob
Part six by JIP
Part seven by Patient Anonymous

If you haven't been following the story, you should probably go back and read the previous episodes or you may think that I have lost my ever lovin' mind. Oh never mind, I probably have lost it. I can't believe I wrote this.
Apologies to those who have not been privy to the names and references that follow. Here is the long awaited Episode Part Eight (Hysterical Amnesia and Gas)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


I have a prescription pad,” Dr Rob groaned and turned his head slowly while his fingers massaged the back of his neck.

Patient Anonymous had not expected a response to the question she had posed sarcastically.

She was even more surprised as he began frantically looking at all the faces around the bar.

“Who are you, where am I, who am I, why do I have a prescription pad,” the frantic Dr. Rob’s questions were punctuated by his lashes blinking away the painful reflection of the neon beer sign in his eyes.

The tavern fell silent except for the Flat screen in the corner. Damaged by the spinning episode, the DVD continuously repeated the scene in Crocodile Dundee where the sexy journalist wears a thong in the Bush. She didn’t know that down under they wear them on their feet. Jip’s worm hole diversion to Australia had taken it s toll on the fixtures, as well as the people in the bar.

Willowtree rolled his eyes, which drew attention to the fresh red scar where the bullet had grazed a new furrow in his brow.

“Shut that #*!* thing off,” he commanded in French. The guy could speak 16 languages and read 23.

Still in her ballet shoes, Difficult Patient pirouetted across the table and reached for the off button. She was conflicted about pulling the plug. Mysti, who was stronger than ever before, laid her hand over Difficult Patients trembling one and disconnected the power.

“It will play again, “ Mysti promised.

All faces turned once more to the bar where Dr. A and the conjoined twins (Small TownNurse and Qualicum Nurse) helped Dr. Rob to the floor. There, in the peanut shells and shredded paper made from kangaroo poop, they planned a thorough examination.

Cathy, whose jacket barely covered her blossoming pregnancy, waddled around the tables and fell to her knees. She grabbed Dr. Rob’s hand.

“You know ME, don’t you?!” she was on the edge of hysterics. “You love me, you wouldn't forget who I am!”

Dr. Rob squinted up at her, then turned to Dr. A and said, "Oh, by the way..."

A thermometer was stuffed quickly and efficiently under his tongue by the Qualicum Nurse half of the twins as she told him that the erectile dysfunction episode was last week.

Moof and Pamela took this as their cue to grab Cathy and remove her to a booth before she made a fool of herself over a younger man.

“Cathy, you aren’t really pregnant,” Moof repeated firmly, but gently. “You are just hysterical. In fact, you have a hysterical pregnancy. Pamela and I figured that out quickly. See! Our bellies are back to their normal middle age spread."

Still miffed about having been given a square arse, Pamela sat in the corner and nodded her affirmation.

They’d been able to determine that the Aussies artificial insemination internet scheme to buoy the lagging birth rate had only generated bloating and gas. Although thwarted, Willowtree’s evil plot proved his theory that some people's kids are just little farts.

“Does he have Amnesia, too?” Wolfbaby sighed. (Not only was she physically spent from all the cleaning up the bar required after it's magical mystery tour, she was also mentally exhausted from her 3-year old daughter's birthday bash.)

She looked towards Heather and Beth to see if they were as concerned about Dr. Rob as she.

Beth poured another shot, began weaving across the room, and slurred, “Sssssometimes there are thingsssss you juz don't wannna remember.”

"I don’t even remember episode one," Heather complained, “but I swear on my Bible I’m clicking back to read them before next week.

Meanwhile, Susan and Karmyn were on the floor with their computers, attempting to find a novel approach to reach The Laundress, whose amnesia was held over from the three episodes previous.

“Why don’t you bang her on the head,” suggested Pearls and Dreams, “Sometimes in the movies that will kick start the memory process. ”

“I’m not willing to sacrifice my laptop for an unproven theory,” Karmyn replied in a crank.

“How about shock treatment?” Susan inquired. “Everyone can yell, BRAZILIAN WAX!”

The threat had no effect. The Laundress maintained her blank stare.

Jungle Tart, squatting close by, watched her like a wild animal ready to spring.

“Show her the mustard stain on her pants from the exploding hamburger,” she suggested, knowing The Laundresses obsession with spot removal.

“I hope,” she added “her product isn't tested on cats.”

Unnoticed by everyone else, Fallen Angel stepped out the back door to take a few deep breaths. She, too, was feeling slightly confused by the previous two episodes of (no Australian pun intended) Wizard of Oz style spinning. Perhaps the cool air would cure her wooziness.

In her distracted state, she didn’t hear the foot fall behind her in the alley. Nor was she aware of the dark shadow attached to the figure in the black cape and hat.

A sudden screech jolted Dr. Rob from his reverie. He jumped from the floor and raced for the back door.


Dr. A gave a fake laugh and vlogged, "this part may be a little whiney." Then he scurried out of the room after Dr. Rob, as though being chased by a pharmaceutical salesperson.


The conjoined twins began pulling each other in opposite directions, which spun them into a spontaneous break dancing exhibition.


There was no applause however, as all eyes had turned towards The Laundress, whose silence was suddenly broken when she burst out yodeling "The Lonely Goat Herd."

Stay tuned.



…………….. Will The Laundress remember the words? Has the terrifying figure in black returned? Is Dr. Rob running out on his co-conspirators in the hostile take over attempt of the Wolfden Bar and Grill? Will Cathy choose Lamaze or Maalox, and. . . . are mustard stains removable from white Capris?


Episode 9 will be brought to you next week by Heather at La Chaim. (May the farce be with her.)