Seventy Six Daze
On May 1, 2018 a 37-year old man dropped his two children off at school; the daughter in 8th grade and the son in kindergarten. He drove towards home and waved at his 36 year old wife as she headed out for her job. He made several more stops. He purchased some food items and some other specific things from the local super center.
From there he drove to a park several miles away on the edge of wilderness area and proceeded to walk down to the river and perhaps back to his car. Picking up his cell phone he sent several suicide texts to his wife. She didn't see them until she got out of a hearing she was transcribing as the court reporter. By that time, he had most likely followed the railroad tracks and turned south towards the foothills of the Cascades where the trees began to shelter and hide other flora and fauna that thrive in the mountain greenery.
That was the beginning of the 76 daze that our family struggled through in agony. We all attempted to support our youngest daughter and our two precious grandchildren in any way we could.
Early on there were searches by family. Both by boat and by land. The law enforcement did a brief river search hampered by an extreme spring run off that made the water swift, deep and murky with hidden dangers.
We hired a searcher with dogs that followed our son-in-law's scent on the path near the railroad track. He pulled his dogs when he said they were weary. He was going to come back the next day but we declined. The man was odd and several had deep misgivings about his abilities.
Then there were missing posters and all that goes with the social media missing posts. There were people that called with potential sightings, and others who texted with requests for ransom. Yes, evil mean spirited people do that.
The days that followed rolled through Mother's Day, her Birthday, Memorial Day, 8th grade graduation, grandson's 6th birthday, granddaughter's 14th birthday, the 4th of July, and.then 'his' birthday on July 6.
We awoke each day with thoughts on how to provide some kind of new normal for our daughter and her children, yet still living in uncertainty. What do you say to a little fellow who doesn't want to leave his house because he wants to be there "in case my daddy comes home."
On July 17, seventy six days missing, the coroner called her with the news that remains had been found with her husband's wallet and Driver License. But, the death certificate would not be issued until dental records proved a positive identification. That took another week.
Meanwhile a memorial service was planned, an urn plot was obtained at the cemetery a mile from our house, and we prepared for the first step of closure.
There's so much to be said about family and friends. And friends of family and friends. They helped our daughter meet her financial commitments. Being self employed she had no vacation, sick leave, bereavement leave, nothing. Some would come spend the night so she wouldn't be alone. Others would go shopping and bring her things like toilet paper and cleaning supplies. One friend would always clean her house. Others brought dinner and sat with them in fellowship or in grieving.
There's so much that could be said about suicide survivors. How I love my daughter and grandchildren and hate that I can't remove their sorrows. I can't answer their questions and soothe their pain. We understand how life is now split in two parts. Before and After.
There's so much that could be said about suicide. Adverse Childhood Experiences, Depression, Mental Illness, Self Medication, and Drug Addiction. These all played their part.
There's one thing I can say with knowledge and experience: suicide ends that persons pain; then the pain is passed onto those left behind.
From there he drove to a park several miles away on the edge of wilderness area and proceeded to walk down to the river and perhaps back to his car. Picking up his cell phone he sent several suicide texts to his wife. She didn't see them until she got out of a hearing she was transcribing as the court reporter. By that time, he had most likely followed the railroad tracks and turned south towards the foothills of the Cascades where the trees began to shelter and hide other flora and fauna that thrive in the mountain greenery.
That was the beginning of the 76 daze that our family struggled through in agony. We all attempted to support our youngest daughter and our two precious grandchildren in any way we could.
Early on there were searches by family. Both by boat and by land. The law enforcement did a brief river search hampered by an extreme spring run off that made the water swift, deep and murky with hidden dangers.
We hired a searcher with dogs that followed our son-in-law's scent on the path near the railroad track. He pulled his dogs when he said they were weary. He was going to come back the next day but we declined. The man was odd and several had deep misgivings about his abilities.
Then there were missing posters and all that goes with the social media missing posts. There were people that called with potential sightings, and others who texted with requests for ransom. Yes, evil mean spirited people do that.
The days that followed rolled through Mother's Day, her Birthday, Memorial Day, 8th grade graduation, grandson's 6th birthday, granddaughter's 14th birthday, the 4th of July, and.then 'his' birthday on July 6.
We awoke each day with thoughts on how to provide some kind of new normal for our daughter and her children, yet still living in uncertainty. What do you say to a little fellow who doesn't want to leave his house because he wants to be there "in case my daddy comes home."
On July 17, seventy six days missing, the coroner called her with the news that remains had been found with her husband's wallet and Driver License. But, the death certificate would not be issued until dental records proved a positive identification. That took another week.
Meanwhile a memorial service was planned, an urn plot was obtained at the cemetery a mile from our house, and we prepared for the first step of closure.
There's so much to be said about family and friends. And friends of family and friends. They helped our daughter meet her financial commitments. Being self employed she had no vacation, sick leave, bereavement leave, nothing. Some would come spend the night so she wouldn't be alone. Others would go shopping and bring her things like toilet paper and cleaning supplies. One friend would always clean her house. Others brought dinner and sat with them in fellowship or in grieving.
There's so much that could be said about suicide survivors. How I love my daughter and grandchildren and hate that I can't remove their sorrows. I can't answer their questions and soothe their pain. We understand how life is now split in two parts. Before and After.
There's so much that could be said about suicide. Adverse Childhood Experiences, Depression, Mental Illness, Self Medication, and Drug Addiction. These all played their part.
There's one thing I can say with knowledge and experience: suicide ends that persons pain; then the pain is passed onto those left behind.
(pencil art done of one of her favorite subjects, done by my son-in-law when he was in a better state of mind)
Comments