If only...

A courageous battle ended yesterday. My Sister-in-Law took a final breath and her pain stopped.

Breast Cancer.

The words are bitter on my lips - and these tears will not dilute the taste.

We had many intimate talks over the past 1 1/2 years. Brenda was always full of hope, always positive. She was full of Grace.

She was also honest about the mistake she'd made when she dismissed the initial signs. She made me promise that I would take an aggressive mode if I ever noticed a pucker or suspected even the hint of a lump.

In this moment, when I haven't really registered the fact that she is gone, I keep thinking "if only..."

(Please take this moment to do a self-exam and to schedule your annual exam. Do it for me and in her memory.)

Comments

Desert Songbird said…
Oh, Pamela, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I salute her bravery, and I WILL do my exam. My promise to you.
Amazing Gracie said…
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
We've had so many brushes with breast cancer - among friends and acquaintances. I hope the losses from breast cancer will soon just be a bittersweet memory.
May you be given a measure of grace as you go through the next few days and weeks.
~~~Blessings~~~
Pamela, I am so very sorry. My thoughts are with you, and Brenda's family.

{hugs}
LadyStyx said…
Just a lurker droppin in to leave my deepest condolences. My prayers are with you and the rest of your family in this time of need.
Kaycie said…
So sorry for your loss, Pamela. I'll be thinking of you and your family today.
nikki said…
I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
DesLily said…
very sorry for your loss Pam.. and I hope you take her advice and do what must be done.
heather said…
Oh, Pam. I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug and cry with you.
Mercy's Maid said…
I am so sorry!

As an aside, Cass at Just Curious is donating $9 to breast cancer research for every comment she gets on this post.
ChrisB said…
Oh Pamela I am so sorry to hear that Brenda has lost her battle. My thought are with you all at this sad time.
Susie said…
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.
(Just had my mammogram)..
Sending you gentle ((hugs))
xo
Vicki said…
the video of the train ride yesterday...

Song from church as a kid, "This Train is bound for glory this train, this train is bound for glory all going to ride in Jesus name this train."

Your sister in law took her train to glory.

I will remember you and her family in my prayers.
Claudia said…
Oh, Pamela. I'm so sorry!
Heather said…
So sorry. Okay, you've made me realize I need to quit ignoring this slight discomfort I've been having in my breasts lately. Off to make a doctor's appointment...
Heather said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sabrina said…
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Will be keeping you all in my prayers (and checking out the bbs as well). Hugs!
tlawwife said…
So sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers headed your way.
A Spot of T said…
I am so sorry to hear of your loss Pamela :o( You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.
Amanda said…
I find it somewhat ironic that I walked for Race for the Cure just days ago........ and I've already lost someone I love. I cried last night. For Brenda and for Nick and for their children. I wish it wasn't true.
storyteller said…
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours in this time of grief and loss.
Hugs and blessings,
lisaschaos said…
I'm so sorry. :( I do have my mammo schedules for the 20th of October. :)

Thanx for passing on her words of advice - good ones!
May remembering God's promise for eternal life without pain and suffering help get you through this difficult time.
WT said…
My sincere condolences Pam.
PEA said…
Dearest Pamela,

Please accept my sincerest sympathies on the passing of your dear Sister in Law. I wish I was there to give you a big hug in comfort. xoxo
Betty said…
Oh Pamela, I am so sorry you have lost your sister-in-law to that dreadful disease called cancer.

I will keep you and the entire family in my prayers in the days ahead when you will be dealing with your grief. I am sure she will be missed a lot.
kailani said…
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
kitten said…
Double hugs and sorry for your loss! I do check myself reg. I have had 2 large lumps removed, but all have been neg so far.
You and yours are in my prayers!
little wanderer said…
So sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and with Brenda's family x
I am sorry for your loss and thank you for the good advice. My mother is a breast cancer survivor, but hers was much more aggressive than thought at first and I wish they would have moved more quickly... but she has been cancer free now for five years. I had a friend that had a small "pucker" and the doctor just told her to come back in a few months. She had a rare form of breast cancer that could have been treated much earlier. She is also a survivor thank God. We need to be vigilant for ourselves if we are concerned about any changes through self-exams and mammograms. Because I am high risk they always check me carefully and many times I return for more ultrasounds. My yearly exam is already scheduled!
Simply Jenn said…
Oh Pamela, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Hugs- and know that I take it very seriously and think of all who have been lost.
dawn said…
I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is such a terrible thing and an horrible way to go. It touches all of us and it can happen to any one of us.
Jettie said…
OOHH Iam so very sorry. my thoughts and prayers with you all.
You have my promise too.
It is so sad it seems I know more and more women are suffering with this so many that in fact I am sure one day it will be me.
BlondeBlogger said…
Oh, Pamela, my heart breaks for you and your family. I'm so, so sorry. I lost my aunt to breast cancer. It's just so unfair. :(

Amazing that you speak through your pain to help other women. It's SO important...you're so right.

I had a lump for years that I did take seriously, but the doctors didn't. They told me I was too young and that I was feeling the breast bone.

So I dismissed it. Years later, it got worse and a new doctor finally took me seriously. Not only was it a tumor, but I also had another tumor in my other breast (found on the mammogram).

I was in my 20's. Had the tumor I felt been cancerous (they were both surgically removed and biopsied and, thank God, both were benign), I probably wouldn't have made it...all because I was told I was too young.

So I'd like to add how important it is to KEEP PUSHING your doctor if he/she dismisses you. You are NEVER too young. Demand a mammogram/sonogram. Don't take no for an answer.

You and your family are in my prayers, Pamela. *hugs*
Peter said…
Very sorry to read of your sisters passing Pamela my deepest sympathy.
MarmiteToasty said…
Pam...... such a sad post.... much love to you as you cope with this loss.....

x
MommyWizdom said…
So sorry for your loss, Pamela. My prayers are with you and your family.
NariceatL4 said…
I am so sorry. I cry with you as I write this. My dear mother-in-law died of lymphoma--it was awful. Even now I see the hole in her hand, where the doctor removed a lump that would not heal... and then they radiated it and killed her hand, and it just went on and on... I hate cancer.
Kila said…
My condolences. Sorry for your loss. I'm only 38, but know too many my age who have dealt with this already.
Jenni said…
I'm so sorry, Pamela. May Brenda's memory, all the light she shed into your life, and all the love she shared with you all live forever. Cancer can't take that away.
karisma said…
Big hugs to you! I am very sorry for your sadness but very happy for her peace! Blessing and much love!
Robin said…
I am so...so...saddened by your (and your family's) loss, Pamela. You know how often breast cancer has touched my family,and I HATE it :(. Yesterday we walked in the "Race for the Cure" and that event is so moving to me...so many survivors, so many who've suffered loss.

My prayers are with you this morning.

((hugs))
Tiggerlane said…
I'm thinking of you at this difficult time, Pamela. And I will do an exam as soon as I get home.

Thank you for thinking of all of US...know that we are all praying for you and your family.
amanda said…
So sorry to hear about this Pamela, my condolences.
Theotherbear.
Jeanette said…
Sorry to hear of your Loss of your dear sister, My deepest condolences to you and your family.
I understand what your going through My mother died with breast Cancer 10 years ago and My sister lost a breast to cancer 2 years ago. and I Bowel cancer 4 years ago.. every 12 months I have to have breast ultra sounds and Mammagrams.. xxxxx
Jodi said…
My heart goes out to your family. I feel so fortunate... my sister has been cancer-free for two and a half years now. Her breast cancer was caught fairly early. It put a great scare in us... but reminded us to live life to its fullest!

I am very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
swampy said…
I will e-mail you. Kath
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time in your life Pam. It would have been hard to share this with us. Thank you for the reminder to do the examination regularly.
With love,
Gaynor x
Shelby said…
Oh Pamela, I am so very sorry. I send you sincere heartfelt embraces.
Kelly - PTT said…
I am so sorry, Pamela. So sorry. Just did an exam. Thank you for the reminder.

You're all in my prayers today.
Susie Q said…
Oh Pamela. I am so sorry for your family's great loss. You will all be in my prayers.

I just made an appointment to have my mamogram done.I will do it in honor of your sis in law.

Love,
Sue
Pamela... I am so sorry. Prayers going up for you and your family. I do the monthly check.... another blogger (Holy Momma) is good to remind us.... I wish I could make this better. Praying for comfort and strength.

I hate these reminders of the importance of early detection.. but I will heed them. My mother had the same regrets about missing signs of her cancer. I am again so very sorry.
swampy said…
Pam,
Just checking on you again today.
The post that is up at my place was created, in part, for you and your family.
Kath
Carla said…
My condolences to you. Cancer is an ugly disease and has touched far to many people. Thanks for the reminder to schedule an exam.
Walker said…
You've had a lot of trials in the last year or so, Pamela. You are in my prayers tonight.
Julie said…
I am so sorry to hear of Brenda's passing. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending virtual hugs your way.

Prayers, hugs and ladybugs.
Hayden said…
Oh pamela. I am so, so sorry. What a terrible loss!
I am so sorry, Pamela. I lost my cousin to breast cancer 3 1/2 years ago. Reading this just gave me tears and chills. My cousin's name was also Brenda.
wendster said…
I've been needing a nudge to go in as well.

I'm sure this post saved a life.

So sorry it couldn't have been your sister's.

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