Acceptance

 This morning I was awake early.  Too early.  

I walked into the office where I pushed the wake up button on the computer and waited.  Then, when it came to life I clicked on my family tree program.   I pulled up my brother's name and wrote in the date of death as November 25, 2021.   He is gone.  

My brother was a warrior through his six plus year fight with terminal cancer.  Stage four when diagnosed.  Given a much shorter life expectancy than he achieved.  There were times when we thought the time was near. Then he would rally and a new chemo treatment would be available to inflate our hopes for a different outcome.

In all there were seven different protocols that he engaged.  There were several that reduced the lesions and granted him some near normal activity.  He went on a tour to Ireland early in his treatment plan.  Then to Russia.  Although the later one came with more difficulty.  Still, he enjoyed and claimed the victory.

Some of the chemotherapy plans worked for a time, then failed.  Several didn't help at all.  But the last one may have hastened his death.  He became ill immediately but suffered the minimum required time before the regular body scan and blood draws.  His concerned oncologist suggested the dosage be reduced to let his body recover.  But soon the treatment plan was abandoned.  His bone marrow was destroyed and he was no longer producing red blood cells.  Kidneys failing.   From August until the end of October there were blood transfusions to sustain him in hopes there would come a time that his bone marrow would rejuvenate.  It didn't. And the transfusions became less effective.

Knowing that the he was dying probably prepared those who love him.  There was no shock.  Maybe a moment of relief to know his suffering was over.  But a lot of grief knowing that I have to go on living in a world without him.  

He was a wonderful brother.  He was a wonderful friend.  He was a wonderful human being.