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Friday, August 08, 2008

The Grasshopper, Take Two

I share glass partitions and the late afternoon sun with coworkers. They are good people.

Dan (featured here and here) was at his desk as 5 o’clock pm approached on Wednesday.

Doreen stopped to discuss some paperwork and he picked up his refillable water bottle. She had his undivided attention while he took a healthy swig.

Immediately his eyes grew wide in horror, his cheeks inflated, and his body jerked right then left.

Doreen let out a muffled cry of alarm, dropped her books and bag on his desk, and moved towards him in confusion.

(Freeze Action) Two weeks ago I photographed a grasshopper on the glass pane at work and later posted it for Wordless Wednesday. Dan, in particular, was amused by my fascination with the little three-legged creature. Several days after the bug posing session, he humorously called my attention to “your little 3-legged friend” that was now camping by the printer we share. I decided to capture it and throw it out the door, but it hopped away behind a credenza when I approached. I was too busy to chase after it and the little insect was soon out of my mind. (Back to the Story)

Doreen began to fear the worst.

“For the life of me,” she said later, “I was so confused. My mind started racing through the possibilities. Heart attack? Seizure? Choking?”

Fortunately Dan quickly regained mental control. Still making gurgling sounds, he jerked the garbage receptacle from beneath his desk and dispatched the contents of his mouth in revulsion.

“Uh! A grasshopper!” cried Doreen, her eyes bugged in astonishment as it emerged from Dan’s spittle before it even reached its destination.

When the drama ended, I laughed so hard I was afraid I might damage my post surgery sinuses.

Dan made some cryptic remark towards me again about “your little friend,”

“My friend?” I retorted, “You’ve had a much more intimate relationship with that bug than me!”

He snorted.

Then, as a sort of afterthought he replied, “If that’s its modus operandi, I’m surprised it’s not missing more legs.”

That kept me giggling out the door and most of the way home.

Today he admitted that once I departed the premises he made sure that it would never happen again.

Poor Grasshopper.

(I’ve noticed that Dan now secures the cap on his water bottle after each use.)


**He called it 3 legged because it was missing one leg. In actuality, it was 5-legged, as it was missing one of it's 6 legs.

18 comments:

Ian said...

HA! Hilarious!

Ian

Jan said...

Yes, hilarious! I agree, Dan was far more intimate.

Karina said...

Laughing out loud. In fact, there might have been some snorting involved too! ;-)

kitten said...

That is just way too funny! Thanks for the funny!

the planet of janet said...

poor dan. sucking face with a grasshopper.

Angela said...

LOL! What a great sense of humour, what a character you are! x

Karmyn R said...

too funny. Poor Dan. I'm surprised he didn't spit it out immediately all over the place. That is what I would have done - forget the wastebasket.

Betty said...

Poor grasshopper??? You mean poor Dan, don't you??? LOL!! That is such a funny story.

Kila said...

LOL! Poor grasshopper!

PEA said...

Don't some people eat chocolate covered grasshoppers or fried ones?? Maybe he would have liked it more then? hehe Bleckkkk, I can't even imagine having one in my mouth. My son Corey was telling me that he was eating a peach one day and when he got to the pit, he just put it all in his mouth to suck on it and it broke in half. When he took it out of his mouth, it was to see an earwig hanging out of the pit. He said he was never so sick in his life! lol I gag every time I think of it!! Yuck! xoxo

The Ramblin Irishman said...

That is one funny story. I wonder if Dan gave it a little tongue during his amorous moment?

Joy T. said...

See now this is how MY mind works reading this story. How did that little grasshopper lose it's legs? Other water hazzards where he made it out alive perhaps? Caught in credenzas while escaping? I don't know. I can't help but feel for the grasshopper. What's a little grasshopper body wash amongst worker/grasshopper anyway. Sheesh. Some people are so touchy about their water.

Oh. And of course if this would have been me, I would have spit that poor grasshopper across the office and then done the ibby jibby kill the grasshopper dance on it's little head. But that's just me. Men are supposed to be tougher.

Desert Songbird said...

Why, Pamela! You devious little devil, you! (You did that right? Right? *wink*)

lisaschaos said...

Uh-oh! I think I might have lost the contents of my stomach as well. Ew!

Hazel said...

... poor fella, he was just thirsty & lookin' for a little pond.

Sandy said...

That's too funny! Thanks for sharing this - even if I did just snort a fly while reading this.

wendster said...

When Dan flossed, did he find another leg?

hi-frikkin'larious

Julie said...

Oh that brings back bad memories. :) My throat hurt just thinking about it.

When I was a teenager hanging out on the phone a lot I had something similar happen. I was talking to a girlfriend (thank goodness it wasn't my boyfriend) and I took a drink out of one of those plastic tupperware cups, the tall ones. It was yellow. I do not drink out of anything yellow to this day!

I took a drink and a spider the size of a quarter went in my mouth. I felt it move before it went down my throat and my throat snapped shut. I did just what Karmyn would have - spit everything out. Okay, so maybe it was as big as a nickel, but it was still big.

But it is still funny that Dan had a grasshopper! HA! Spider scary, grasshopper hilarious!!!!