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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sagging Naturally

I don’t understand the appeal of Collagen injected lips.

When a recent Dancing With The Stars contestant took to the floor, I was reminded of Batman’s great nemesis, The Joker. Then today I saw a recent photo of one of the Vegas Stars. Her lips were so engorged that her cupid bow flat lined and her smile was dead. As unnatural as a pregnant frog.

I am reminded of childhood games, when we stretched our eyes, cheeks, and lips through the most extreme contortions. I was quite often the winner of silly face competitions with my impression of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. (I can still do it.)

Some of today’s celebrated faces would put my creation to shame with the twisted looks they’ve fashioned with Botox, Collagen, and Lifts.

The female celebrities aren’t the only ones that give me pause to gasp.

Just the other day I leaned over in my usual head down manner to blow dry my hair. I made a turn just in time to observe my jowls, cheeks, eyelids, and eyebrows respond to the unfortunate call of Gravity. The skin around every feature in my upside down face extended upwards towards the floor.

“Oh My GOD,” I shrieked. “I’m Wayne Newton!”

33 comments:

Susie Q said...

I am giggling so hard I can barely type! You silly thing...but oh so smart as well. My son Dan always says he thinks people who do this are Out.Of.Their.Freaking.Mind.
Uh huh. And Wayne Newton looks like a wax dummy in Madame Ts.
Gives me the creeps. *shudder* Kenny Rogers? *shudder* For what? To look younger?
I have sagging jowls and eye lids and may not look 16 anymore but I don't think I could be a late night talk show punchline either!

As always, it is so good to come visiting here

Love,
Sue

mjd said...

I am with you. I sag naturally except I look more like the dead Elvis than Wayne Newton, which might be better than looking like poor Priscilla.

Susie said...

I think that DWTS star (from last season) has had even more collagen
I couldn't believe the size of her lips when she came back for the 100th show. How can she possibly think that looks even slightly attractive!
xo

Desert Songbird said...

Your last line made me bust out laughing out loud. I can relate in some ways (at least as far as my boobs are concerned - you know it's bad when you have to bend waaaaay over to put on a bra).

I really think we need to see a photo of you contorting your face, or even a video.

Karmyn R said...

At least it has taken you YEARS to get that way - and you didn't start off bad right away.

Check THIS out.

Karmyn R said...

OOPS - how did THAT link end up like that?

TRY THIS INSTEAD

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

Don't you know by now: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER look at yourself leaning down.... duh!!!

Kaycie said...

That's hilarious! I don't understand why they do it, either. I saw one actress that I didn't even recognize until she opened her mouth and spoke.

the planet of janet said...

*snort* yeah, gravity is NOT your friend.

*giggle*

Joy T. said...

I quickly leaned over like that one time to blow dry my hair and cracked my head on the counter. Saw stars for an hour after. Anyway. I am giggling out loud at that last line LOL Wayne Newton just scares me. He always looks so surprised!

Peter said...

Hi Pamela, or is it Wayne??? we should be content to age graciously.. like fine wine.

Amanda said...

Would if be better if you looked like a FIG newton instead? giggle.

ChrisB said...

I had to go and google Wayne Newton to see who you were talking about (wish I hadn't bothered!)
Who in their right senses would pay to get a rabbit in the headlight look, not me!!

PAT said...

Great post Pamela! I too, was amazed at the dancing celebrity. J and I both believe her late great ex is probably rolling over in his grave!

There are some awfully gorgeous older celebs who haven't had anything done and look fabulous. I admire them for their restraint!

I just read your comment at the back porch. I have a Tamron 18-200mm lens, I've had a couple months. It seems to help with the blur factor. I also shoot on auto pretty often and edit in Picasa2 and PhotoFiltre. I read somewhere, shooting RAW and editing later is a good idea too. I have to admit I take several shots, to get one that I like!
Pat

karisma said...

LOL! Thankfully, thus far only my tummy has that problem! Mind you I feel for Joy, I am great at whacking my head into things too!

DesLily said...

LOL.. how true how true!

Though I am a number one candidate for a face lift, what I've seen is enough to scare the doo doo outta me!

of the men having work done the two that disappointed me the most is Wayne Newton (he was very handsome BEFORE he did that) and the other was Charles Bronson. His "lines" were is fame and he had them stretched away.. so sad.

susan said...

I have a friend who's mother is vain like that and has all sorts of "work" done. Now she pesters my friend to do the same as she doesn't want to have a daughter that looks older than her! Sick!

Junebug said...

Those collagen lips are so sick! I know what you mean about the sagging face in the mirror trick. I just wish it was a trick. I discovered this a couple of years ago when I was bending over and decided right then and there I shouldn't be on top! You know what I mean, like in American's Next Top Model's "Do you want to be on top?" Hee hee. Or something else?

nikki said...

I am laughing to hard to type anything intelligent.

~grey said...

OH I sooooo agree...
those pouty, puffy, gross lips are the worst!!! Can't the "star" see how ugly it has made her... ICK!!

Wayne Newton... LOL Now he's a piece of work.
Thanks for the giggle...

~grey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wendster said...

What?!? Karmyn knows how to post a LINK in her comments? I wanna know how to do that!!!
Distracted for a minute.
You are TOO funny. And I have caught my face doing the same thing ... it just does it in photos, house mirrors, car rear view mirrors ... window reflections. I'm beginning to think that story I saw is true. I put on a great outfit, put on great make up, and then BAM some weird lady in the SAME outfit and the SAME make up JUMPS in front of me right when I go to stand in front of the mirror and RUINS the view! Someone really should tell her that that outfit looks TACKY on her and it doesn't hide her fat roll at ALL. AT. ALL. Shade of lipstick is all wrong too.
Just listed you as one of my fav blogs at Wonderful World of Weiners. Cuz you are too funny, that's why. She's listed on my blogroll if you'd like to check her out. She's dang funny.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Better Wayne Newton than Priscilla Presley. Have you SEEN her lately?

Buy stock in botox.

Kila said...

"As unnatural as a pregnant frog." I'll remember that one for a while!

Yeah, now that I'm nearly 38, the mirror isn't my friend anymore.

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

You're talking to a girl who refuses to dye her hair until it starts turning gray (and even then, I might leave it alone) and who wears contacts for vision but insists on getting ones that don't change her eye color.

In other words: I hear ya.

Claudia said...

hhahaha!! can you sing?? :)

Walker said...

Lord Have Mercy. It IS indeed scary as hell to look in the mirror post-50.

I agree with you so much on the lip thing. It NEVER looks natural. Most of them look like they should have a spear in their hand.

Jozet at Halushki said...

LOL!!!!!

In my opinion, Wayne Newton isn't mentioned enough in blogs, lol.

Thanks for that visual.

Robin said...

I dunno Pammy, ol' Wayne looks pretty plastic to me! And YOU look full of life!

Funny girl, you are though...funny girl!

:)

MyMaracas said...

Funny! And yeah -- leaning over a mirror is not something you do more than once. Thanks for the laugh.

:-)
Vicki

Hayden said...

recently saw a 'review' on plastic surgery and they were identifying "overly arched" brows as a sure sign of botox - it cracked me up because I let a guy wax my eyebrows recently and that's what he did to me. I realized it looked 'fashionable' but hated it..... didn't realize where that fashion was coming from...

Bunny Trails said...

ROTFL!!! The Wayne Newton comment really capped it off quite nicely! Definitely a great laugh.

Have you seen the movie based on "Skipping Christmas?" The name escapes me at the moment. Anyway, it's the one with Tim Allen & Jamie Leigh Curtis - oh, "Christmas with the Cranks." I LOVE the part where Tim gets a fake tan and botox injections. When he's eating lunch with his wife and his face is frozen and his skin is orange is absolutely hysterical!! And exactly what I thought of while reading your post. :D

dawn said...

It is happening here too, and the facial recognition thing on the net says I look like John Clease. Ahh... at least he is funny.