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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Todays Headlines

Mouse Absconds with Maine Man's Dentures
"We moved the bed, moved the dressers and the night stand and tore the closet apart," he said. "I said, 'I knew that little stinker stole my teeth' I just knew it."

It was the little fellow's smile that clued him.



Panda Poop To Do Double Duty in China
There's a new Chinese saying: When life hands you panda poop, make paper. Researchers at a giant panda reserve in southern China are looking for paper mills to process their surplus of fiber-rich panda excrement into high quality paper.
"People won't find it gross at all," Liao said. "They probably won't even be able to tell it's from panda poop.

After some of the stuff I've read, this is redundant. (I meant that as, I read alot of "crap".... so if you print it on this new paper it is "crap on crap".... )

Crocodile Smuggler Exposed
A woman with three crocodiles strapped to her waist was stopped at the Gaza-Egypt border crossing after guards noticed that she looked "strangely fat," officials said Monday.

The policewoman screamed and ran out of the room, and then women began screaming and panicking when they heard," Telleria said. But when the hysteria died down, she said, "everybody was admiring a woman who is able to tie crocodiles to her body."

Everyone's wearing crocs now. Am I the only female without a pair?


Dead Beat Parents Pictured on Pizza Boxes
Butler County Child Enforcement Agency has ordered up the idea of putting pictures of parents that have failed to pay child support on pizza boxes. Cynthia Brown came up with the idea while ordering pizza from a local pizzeria.
"It suddenly dawned on me that most people running from the law don't eat out, they order pizza," said Brown.


Say Cheese~



Finish MP seeks vote in Klingon
HELSINKI (Reuters) - A Finnish member of parliament is aiming for re-election by campaigning with a translation of his Web site into Klingon, used in the TV series Star Trek.
Non-warriors can also access the site, www.kasvi.org, in English, Swedish and Finnish.

Hab SoSlI' Quch! Translation to English: Your Mother Has a Smooth Forehead (Note: this is a powerful insult; don't say it to friends.)


Fingertip Found at Bus Stop
A fingertip found at a bus stop by schoolchildren, touching off a police investigation, was claimed Friday by a man who injured his hand in a snowblower accident. "He claimed it was his, but he didn't want to claim it, if you know what I mean," Schueler told the Butler Eagle.

At that late date, I guess it was pointless.

31 comments:

Masago said...

Very amusing. Klingon, eh? We learn more about you every day. :-)

Beccy said...

I'm also female without crocs, as is my daughter but she'd like to rectify that!

Pam said...

Excellent use of Panda's effluent. We just saw some footage on Discovery's "Planet Earth" miniseries. Very powerful. Too bad they are using bleach to whiten the fiber/poo. Bleach is so bad for the environment and untreated paper mill waste can affect large areas.
♥Pam

Biker Betty said...

I don't own crocs myself, but that woman took it just a bit too far. No thanks on that one, lol.

ChrisB said...

beccy has beaten me to it with her comment. when I read this I thought of my grand-daughter who is desperate for purple crocs. I'm planning to indulge her.

Vicki said...

Good news. Weird news. Thank you.

I'm so glad you are back.

James Cooper said...

So many bad puns... must stop laughing...

Heather said...

oh my, pam. you have me laughing until i may pee myself (not to be taken literally - i have no problems with bladder control that i know of)
pointless...

Jodi said...

I hope the Panda Poo Paper isn't of the "scratch 'n sniff" variety!! ;-)

Stephanie said...

Um, having been to the San Diego zoo, and having been witness to the poopage of pandas...

I think they'll be able to tell!!!!

P-Yoo!!

mark said...

I'm all for the panda poop paper. Where can I buy some? What an environmentally friendly, renewable resource. Now if the pandas will just procreate more.

Kathleen Marie said...

LOL! I am still laughing so hard. Thanks for "making my day"...I mean, there is a point to all this right...to make me smile ☺

JoeinVegas said...

Crocs - who would have thought - I didn't see them at the last clothing show, so it's eather an old style that's going out or so new it hasn't been picked up on yet.

Susan in va said...

ROFL!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, Pamela. You are too funny.

Oh, dear. I'm still laughing. (If I'm not careful, I might lose bladder control - HAHAHA!)

swampwitch said...

You just can't make this 'stuff' up?
Thanks for the giggles.

The Ramblin Irishman said...

Hi Pam,
Now I know what happens to my teeth every now and again. Is that the same mouse that stole my glasses so I couldn't see him with my teeth. This is no Panda Poop, this is the real... well have a nice day.

min said...

I saw that mouse on T.V. It was really two mice and the guy put them in an aquarium and keeps them as pets. He took his teeth back, so I'm not sure how they eat.

Bibi said...

LOL, saw the mouse story on the news...wonder how they like being caged now?

What was the croc woman thinking? People amaze me!

Gattina said...

The best "News" résumé I have read today ! and now I know what I should wear on the Cyber Cruise party ! A crocodile around my neck instead of the snake what I intended to wear !

BTW the story of the Italian Mammas is true and really happend to the husband of my best friend !
I know Mamma and she is really a Diva !!

Mert said...

The last 2 really cracked me up!

Klingon, huh? I'm impressed!

C said...

I am smiling. You crack me up. Silly.

marnie said...

Laughter is the best medicine!

That was fantastic!

No, you aren't the only one without crocs... I have a problem with plastic shoes... but that's just me.

Bonnie B said...

No crocs here either-- they fit funny, so I've never bought the plastic thingys.

You always manage to surprise me with your funny stuff. That was such a fun read

Silent One ~D~ said...

I am not sure which is funnier.... the things you found.. or your comments. Thanks for the smiles!

I heart Panda's!

Silent One ~D~ said...

oh and I just spent the last 10 minutes... clicking the "post a comment" link...
not realizing that it had already popped up....

DUH!
I think I need another coffee

Holly said...

A fantastic add to my morning giggles. It's amazing what's out there eh?

Hugs,
Holly

kailani said...

I'm totally into recycling but using panda poop? That's a little too extreme for me.

Susie said...

You've been tagged!
:)

Jenny said...

I love the Runaway Ralph story.

He was in a little race car, right?

Melissa said...

Hee! I'm still laughing. Hey min, I saw that story on TV too!

Kila said...

Thanks for the laughs!